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  1. #21
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    I hope Kai gets a chance to feel love once again with Xev. Very well written operation.

  2. #22
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    Ooh, good angsty stuff you have going there. I thought the operation thing was very interesting, and what now? What's gonna happen now that Kai doesn't have a brace anymore? Write more soon, kay? :-D
    In Florida, we have one common rule during Hurricane season: Anything that blows in from the neighbor's yard automatically is yours, so put the car in the garage.

  3. #23
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    damn girl can you write!

    More please.. :-D

  4. #24
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    @ketana: Thanx so much, this was the sweetest praise I got so far ! :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

    Ok, I let you hang a bit the last days. Sorry. Took some time, therefore you?ll get a loooooooooooooooooong chapter!

    Alright, girls, haul out your tissues.. :cry: maybe you?ll need them....
    (Can?t tell you the mood I was in, when I wrote that...but for the story it was good... :) )

    Enjoy....

    Chapter 5

    Doubts

    Time went by very slow. One day followed the other, then a week was over, finally three. Xev had folded his stuff and laid it on her bed after drying. When she wasn?t visiting Kai in the cryochamber, she stared at his clothes. She sighed, waiting could be cruel. Besides her worries, of course. It already took far too long.
    After nearly 25 days, the final electrode loosed and 790?s diagnose program shut down. Regeneration was complete. 790 screamed for Xev: ?Xev, my darling?the dead is ready to rise from the dead!? By pure chance she was on the way to step by. ?Already here, 790, is he wake?? The robot head sighed inwardly. His delicious Xev was ever the opinion that a finalized process was immediately followed with a reaction. ?No, sweetheart, his sleep would last for a moment longer. Until the effect of the anaesthetic gas will vanish.? Xev was disappointed. ?How is it?? asked a voice from behind. It was Stan, he had heard 790?s bellow, too. ?I think it?s okay, he?s still sleeping,? she replied with a gaze at the full green holoimage. She shoved the protein-regenerator away and freed Kai of the remaining wires. After the length of the procedure his body acted emaciated a lot. But how should he regain his strength without eating? Everything he got, were some nutrients, after his metabolism started to work. When she touched his skin, she discovered that he felt really hot. ?Why is he so warm?? Xev asked. ?His circulation still isn?t working very well, it?s not stable, my princess, he has fever. It could take some time to go down. His immune system has to get used to its normal functions.? ?Oh, that?s good.? ?And now?? Stan wanted to know. Xev shrugged: ?Waiting? Until he wakes up?? Stan grunted: ?I would prefer to wake up in a bed, it?s less cold there!? ?Good idea, but where?? Kai never was in need of a bed. ?What about your bed? It?s big enough,? he suggested. ?And don?t tell me you?re uncomfortable with that idea! You?d like it, to see him in your bed, won?t you?? Xev shook her head: ?I?m not uncomfortable with that. But I?m not sure if this is the brightest idea, maybe he wants to be alone at first. Hm, I could stay on the bridge for a while?? ?There?s some space in my bed, too?? Stan grinned. Xev knitted her brows: ?Forget it ? Stanley H. Tweedle!? ?Knew it?!? he growled. ?Very well, Xev?don?t let this arrogant proteinbag seduce you!? tampered 790. ?Arrogant?? Stan asked annoyed and turned around. ?Who is arrogant? You self-important tin head!?
    ?Stop it! Stan, please help me to carry him over!? Xev pulled Kais body towards her, whilst Stan grabbed Kais legs. ?Ok, he may not be decarbonized any longer, but he?s not a lightweight one?? Stan groaned. ?That?s the difference, Tweedle, he has more muscles on his left arm than you have in your whole body!? sputtered 790. ?You?re containing a lot more fat?? ?Oh, shut up, robot head!?
    It took them a few minutes until they reached Xevs chamber. They laid Kai down onto her bed. Xev placed some blankets over his body. She was happy, that she learned sewing during her wife training on the cluster, so she had been able to sew a few of her silky pieces of cloth together. ?Alright, that?s it for now. We have to wait?? Xev announced. Stan agreed. ?Lexx hasn?t discovered anything so far. Really empty edge of the universe. I suggested to change the course, maybe we?ll get somewhere with it. I?ll go back to the bridge.? ?Me as well, I can?t do anything here right now,? Xev followed Stanley.

    Darkness. Silence.
    There was a calm, peaceful sensation he felt, when he slid over from unconsciousness to dreamless sleep. But not for long. Dreams weren?t always dreamless?
    His subconscious mind started to work again, after a 6000 year lasting sleep. It only took one moment ? then it was free?
    Kais memories broke through ? chaotic, disordered ? freed from all bonds which had held them back for such a long time. During his undead state he had been able to look at them like an outsider. He wasn?t able to feel or express them. Only access them for information, for explanation?
    That had been, and now something changed?
    He dreamt again. He dreamt about this moment he faced His Shadows invasion. Feelings ran through him, he seemed to relive the moment he had crashed onto the cold floor of the Foreshadow?s bridge. Unspeakable wrath about this act of aggression, hate, deepest sadness about the end of his friends taking part in the battle, about the end of his people, those who he had loved. He had known. Untold anger about his own failure to destroy His Shadow, to fulfill the prophecy.
    Kai tried to escape his dream, he didn?t want to remember this moment of his destiny. The memories faded and silence came back for a moment.
    The he heard someone breath. Gasping. He could sense fear. But it wasn?t his own, he determined astonished.
    Single beam spots were moving by.
    Bulbs in a dark street.
    Buildings on the left and the right.
    He was walking down this street.
    In front of him appeared the end of the street ? a dead-end!
    A figure crouched anxiously in a dark corner. He heard it sobbing, panting.
    ?Please?please?I have a woman and children, I haven?t done something wrong?please!?
    The figure sank on his knees, the light of a lantern touched his face as he bend forward. He was terribly frightened, wept and lifted his hands.
    Kai was curious: why was this man so frightened?
    ?Sirius Bold - You were accused to support and put Ostrol B heretics up. You have been found guilty for this crime. I?ll kill you now in the name of His Devine Shadow!? he heard someone say, it was a familiar voice ? his own.
    Something clicked and a well-known <screech> was hearable. Only a second later his opponent was headless.
    Kai was shocked.
    That wasn?t possible. Was it him who had killed this man?
    It hit him like thunderstruck ? then suddenly, out from this shock, a flood of unpleasant memories washed over him, and he understood.
    Murder after murder happened in front of his eyes. Always different victims, but too often the same reasons. The more he saw, the worst it went. ?Stop it!? he whispered in his sleep. But they didn?t. To long had been the time they were held back. Once freed, the memories showed him over and over again everything he had done in those 2000 years in the service of His Divine Shadow. Unspeakable cruelness.
    He knew about it. But the dead don?t have felts, don?t have even a conscience.
    But now he had.
    Guilt. Remorseless guilt hit him every moment.
    Deepest regret, horror about what he had done. What he had become.
    His Shadow and his successors ordered assassination mission after assassination mission. All of them accomplished by him, without challenge ? so mechanically.
    Kai sank deeper and deeper into his horrible memories, they hunted him?like a nightmare.
    Kai wasn?t able to elude of them. He was stuck in a merciless maelstrom and it drag him under.
    Would this nightmare never end?
    Finally it was his physical part, who redeemed him.
    With a agonized scream he woke up.
    Kai propped himself up hastily, he was completely disorientated. His whole body was covered with cold sweat and he breathed fiercely. Kai supported himself when he got dizzy. He felt the soft bed and some blankets under his palm and tried to concentrate to his environment.
    He was on board the Lexx ? in Xevs bedchamber. How did he get there?
    He groaned. First he woke up in the cryochamber, with heavy changes.
    Kai furrowed his brow?s as he remembered. Hesitantly he stripped the blanket off his body. It was damp with sweat. Slowly and with bated breath he put his hand over the place where thousands of years ago his heart had beat ? and he nearly toppled down?when he felt it beat again under his palm. A soft rhythmic beat. Kai gasped and looked down. There were no implants ? no artificial devices left, which had replaced parts of his body for so long. Blood rushed through his veins ? as he concentrate, he could hear it rustle in his ear.
    He stretched out his right arm ? the weapon was no longer there ? apart from his own thoughts and memories, nothing remembered about his existence as divine assassin.
    He was alive!
    Kai sighed and fell back. It was a strange sensation to be alive. To feel his body, to feel other things. But as alive as his body felt ? as numb felt his mind. Kai closed his eyes and the images came back. He winced. Fear and death, violence, murder, the screams of men, women and children specified his memories. It was horrible. He buried his face in his hands and groaned. He wasn?t able to describe exactly what he felt, everything was like a huge wave, which threaten to slew him. He felt desperate, when he remembered. After he got his memories back from one of His Shadows predecessors and was set free of His Shadows control, he had gone on to take lives. Nearly Stan, the five teenagers ? and once again nearly Stan and Xev. The reason, being programmed wrong, wasn?t comforting him.
    ?Stop it, please?!? he begged.
    Kai stared wide-eyed at the ceiling.
    Tears starting to obscure his gaze.
    Deep down from his innermost a sob made its way up and he started to cry.
    How many lives had he extinguished? He couldn?t count them. They were to much.
    So many?
    The memories of His Shadow and the predecessor he had absorbed, showed him the lives, the evil emperor had taken, but it was like sarcasm that he beat him far with that. He banned those alien memories into the darkest corner of his mind. He didn?t want reminded to those two evil dominators?
    Kai wasn?t able to stop his tears. He wanted to scream ? but he couldn?t ? no sound escaped his lips.
    He started to ask himself the reason of being alive again. He of all his people ? he, who had killed thousands.
    It seemed not balanced to him. He couldn?t understand. To be alive was nothing he ever expected ? and, in fact, didn?t want. If the dead might could wish ? it always had been his wish to die properly. He had been caught in a world between death and life. No possibility to join his people in the DreamZone. To a place where his soul could rest in peace. Now it was life what returned to him ? not death. He already asked himself, if it was an ironic kind of punishment what awaited him after all he had done. Kai felt cornered like an animal ? ironically most of his victims must have felt the same before he had killed them. His desperation grew. ?Why?? he sobbed. ?Why?? His body started to shiver and the emotional pain exhausted him more and more.
    Anytime he stopped crying ? he was beat ? there were no tears left to cry. Kai stared darkly at the wall. <How precious was his life?> He wasn?t able to find an answer. Kai knew that he could end it, faster than the blink of an eye, after all he knew every imaginable possibility to do suicide. But he hesitated, he needed answers first. If he was able to find any possibility to clear up the chaos in his mind. Kai sat up and looked around.
    Xev wasn?t near, only his carefully folded clothes were lying on the bed. Kai swallowed hard when he looked at his almost black uniform.
    This once so colorful clothes of a newborn BrunnenG ? now faded and gone.
    Black like death.
    He struggled out of bed and touched the fabric. It was the only thing left over from Brunnis 2, besides him. Kai closed his eyes.
    Last of the BrunnenG.
    Kai sighed deeply, there were no better words to describe his loneliness.
    He took a deep breath and tried to calm his thoughts. With a quick gesture he wiped his tears away. He felt miserable and his skin was unnatural warm.
    <Fever.> he thought.
    He considered to take a shower. He wasn?t dirty ? but he felt like.
    Troubled he got up, ignored his clothes, instead he grabbed one of Xevs blankets and head for the shower.

    Kai met nobody on his way to the shower. But this was alright for him. He didn?t felt for doing conversations at the moment, nor with Xev. When he reached the shower he let his blanket slid down to the floor. He looked at the shower cell, surrounded with its pink membranes. He had killed Laleen here. Kai gulped and fought the memory. He groaned silently, no ? if he didn?t find a possibility to stop this horror, then ? yes, what then?? He might go insane or something else. His thoughts went back to this one single question: <Why alive?> When he was dead, he was at least able to protect Stan?s and Xev?s lives efficiently. A mortal, vulnerable human body wasn?t designed for that. He knew, he would rather walk in the line of fire, than admit their death, but he only could do that once. There wouldn?t be someone in the future to help them. He shook his head. <So why?>
    He reached to the top of his bun and loosed his hair for the first time after 6000 years. Slowly he put out the pins that held his hair in its place. The shining black hair fell down, and after he had disentangled his braid, it reached far down below the middle of his back. Xev had hang up a mirror on the wall some time ago, and he lifted his head to look into it.
    He really hadn?t changed. Still pale from sun-avoided life. His pitch-black hair underlined his paleness additionally. A tired, red-eyed face looked back at him. He touched the tattoo at his right cheek and thought of his ancestors, who had fought so heroic and bravely against the insect civilization, who had risked the long dangerous journey through the fractal core into the LightZone. Every BrunnenG was reminded to this adventure with the burgundy tattoo, given to them when they reached the adult state, around the natural age of 20. It should also remind them about what they once were, about their heroic past ? but the BrunnenG forgot.
    Quenched by the aggression of other humans, when they turned once again against each other, after their common enemy was destroyed, they hid under their shield, their sphere of silence - and forgot. Over time they shrank, they got small. Until all of his people had gone decadent, hard-bitten, dull and old. Eternal life they had reached ? they had broken a limit, once called unbreakable. But what had they learned? What had they done with all this knowledge? Kai sighed. For the newborns it had been hell. A society deprived of all liveliness, curiosity, innovation. Everything a young person needed to live. So it was no wonder, that they had been the only ones who wanted to fight, who didn?t want to see the BrunnenG defeated without a struggle. They knew that it was their end, but they wanted to die fighting and died well. Kai had the hope to fulfill at least the prophecy, that His Shadow would die with them, but he couldn?t know that 2000 years had to pass by, before that day would come. To a point in time when his people had been long dead and an almost forgotten legend ? and he had become a more dark legend.
    Kai asked himself frustrated, if he was worth it, to call himself a BrunnenG.
    The BrunnenG warriors once had been proud, honorable fighters, legends, he and his friends followed suit.
    They finally became legends of their own ? told in tales throughout the LightZone as long as it existed. But Kai now felt more as a murder, and he was far from being proud about his inglorious past as assassin. He stroke with his fists frustrated against the wall next to the mirror and dropped his head. A murder, nothing more. That?s what he was.
    Kai turned, incapable to look himself into the eyes any longer. He activated the shower and stepped under the warm tempered water. He asked himself if the Lexx contained enough water to wash away all the blood he was stained with.
    Kai stood motionless for minutes under the flowing water, his fingers baled to fists. New tears mingled with water and flew down together. Then, every strength left him and he sank down to the bottom. He put his arms around his legs and lowered his forehead onto his knees. He couldn?t cope with this new rush of guilt and sadness.

    Xev spend some hours on the bridge, talked a lot to Stan and 790. Mostly about her concern towards Kai. The situation was all new for them. Stan tired sometime and said goodbye soon. Xev put 790 onto the command unit platform. ?I?ll go to check on Kai, maybe he?s wake,? she announced and pat 790. ?Ohhh, noooo, stay here with me!? ?I?m sorry 790, but you know that he isn?t that healthy.? ?Me too, me too?? pouted the robot head. ?Oh 790, come on, you?re ok?? She gave him a kiss and left.
    The first thing she saw, when she returned to her bedchamber, was her empty bed. Xev looked astonished at her rumpled pillows and blankets. She really hadn?t expected that he woke up so early. She called: ?Kai? Where are you?? No answer. She tilted her head and listened carefully. She thought to hear water rush. Had he gone for a shower? Maybe. She followed her intuition and walked to he corridor towards the shower.
    She was right. She heard the water rush more clearly now and found one of her blankets in front of the shower cell. ?Kai?? she asked discreetly. She didn?t want to disturb him, if not necessary. But when she didn?t receive any answer, she peeked around the membranes.
    She discovered him sitting on the floor under the flowing water stream. He had put his head onto his knees, and his hair hang all around him like a dark curtain. It covered his body everywhere at middle-back length.
    It was the first time she saw his hair down and free. She had imagined this thousand times and more ? but her fantasy was nothing compared with reality.
    ?Kai?? she asked once again and deactivated the shower, as she still didn?t get any reaction. Xev knelt down in front of him, her eyes examining his nudity. She could sense his tensed demeanor. She stretched out her arm and touched his left shoulder with her fingertips. Hesitantly and slowly he finally lifted his head, eased his grip around his legs a bit.
    Xev was shaken to the core when she looked into his face.
    Never in her life she had seen such a sad and broken-hearted expression on somebody?s face.
    In his hazel eyes she detected endlessly sadness. He looked terribly lost. He must have cried a lot. It nearly broke Xev?s heart. ?What?s with you?? she asked in a hushed tone. Kai dropped his gaze to the floor and shook his head slightly. ?What happened? Do you want to talk?? Kai raised his eyes again, started to shiver lightly. Xev noticed it and stood up to fetch the blanket from outside. She placed it around his shoulders. He watched her dumbly, didn?t move an inch. Xev touched his forehead carefully. He still had high fever. The trembling didn?t stop. ?Should we go somewhere else?? she asked softly. Again he shook his head. His body felt numb and weak. Apathy overwhelmed him.
    <What?s expedient? What should he do? Talking? Maybe.>
    Silent tears ran down his cheeks.
    ?They beg.? A pause.
    ?They scream.?
    Another pause.
    ?Hundreds of them, thousands ? then I kill them. Without mercy. Without compassion. Remorseless,? he finally said with a teary voice.
    Xev bit her lip. There it was, the time she feared most. His past had caught him up.
    ?I?m a murder, Xev, a monster?? he shook his head in despair. ?What have I done??
    Xev tried to comfort him. ?You aren?t responsible for it, Kai, His Shadow controlled you, he used you, abused you. You can?t blame yourself for that, please!?
    But once again he shook his head. ?I have a lot to answer for, so many people?I have killed countless people, Xev. I don?t deserve to live, everything must be a fault?? his voice faded.
    ?The day I had died first, should have been my end!? Kai raised his gaze to the ceiling. Xev had listened silently to his self-reproach. How she longed to carry his burden! To damp down his sense of guilt. It must made his life a misery, otherwise he wouldn?t talk like that. Declaring his new life a fault. Xev wasn?t his opinion. His life had once been stolen away from him by murder, and it was only a fair compensation that he retrieved it now. But it was also clear to her, that it wasn?t easy to deal with all those memories from his past.
    It hurt her to see him in this desperate situation, to see him dropping his gaze when she tried to look into his hazel eyes, as if he feared she could see all those things his memories showed him, too. Kai sat in front of her like a picture of misery, unable to free himself out of this cycle. ?Come to me,? she whispered softly and put her arms around his shoulders, tried to pull him closer. For a moment she felt resistance, then he gave in. He let go of his legs, he had clutched the whole time and Xev could pull him close to her. She sat down and Kai leaned on her shoulder. Xev covered his still trembling body with the blanket. So, she simply held him for a while, tried to give him some badly needed comfort. ?You never have been and you never are a murder, Kai,? she began calmly, ?A murder kills people because he has fun with it, or to take advantage of something, or maybe because he wants to hide another crime??
    ?Or if he was ordered to do so?? he whispered scarcely audible and closed his eyes. Xev sighed inwardly. ?Maybe, but a living being always has a choice. A dead one without memories and will doesn?t! That?s the difference, Kai. Don?t blame yourself. His Shadow controlled you, used you like a weapon. You can?t blame a weapon for being fired off. It?s always the one who controlled this weapon responsible for murder. His Shadow is responsible for the death of this people, not you! You only have been the weapon ? he controlled you!?
    She paused and stroke softly over his wet hair. It was unbelievable long and tender. Another inward sigh. This man was the far most attractive person she ever met.
    She hoped, she had put enough persuasion into her voice to reach him.
    She gave him some time.
    No, destiny hadn?t been fair to him. Should it continue forever like that?
    ?If someone deserves to be alive ? then it must be you!? she whispered, her eyes filled with tears as she continued: ?He took everything, Kai, your home, your family, your friends, your whole people?? she fought back her tears and squeezed his slim body closer to her. ??your life, your personality, your soul, the memories and your will,? Xev?s voice was barely hearable in the end.
    Kai?s gaze was directed numbly at the wall. He heard her words through a thick fog of guilt, sadness and shame. He could sense Xev?s own sadness ? she suffered with him, cared about him. <When does someone care about him for the last time?> he asked himself. It had been an eternity away. It had been another life ? a life he barely remembered. But he knew that Xev had always cared about him, even so he was dead. She had returned to the cluster to fill up his vanishing amount of protoblood ? to preserve his existence. She had? a new wave of sadness swept over him ? sacrificed her own life for him. Could his life ? his existence ? be more worth than he thought? Could a individual, guilty for countless crimes, granted forgiveness, love again ? and be loved? Kai closed his eyes. Could he start anew, live a new life, freed from His Shadows control, freed of this mockery of life he had been before? Maybe. But would he ever be free of his murderous past? He didn?t believe in that. He couldn?t. It pressed down on him, on his conscience. But one never know ? maybe only time could show.
    ?Come with me, I?ll take you back to my chamber, it?s warmer there.? Kai lifted his head when he heard her words. Her eyes were wet of tears, but they shone full of love and sorrow for him. He felt his inwards, his soul, touched with it. A wonderful, new sensation of comfort filled him. He felt his own tears on his cheeks when he sensed this feelings. Feelings so deep and intensely he never had felt before. Neither in all this memories he carried, nor in his own. ?Xev,??he erected himself, supported his weight with his hand.
    His facial expression hadn?t changed visible, but in his hazel eyes she could see a slight glint of hope. ?Help me, please, ? don?t leave me alone?!? his voice broke down again, his gaze dropped to the floor. Xev pulled him into her arms tightly. ?I?m always there for you, Kai, I promise, I ?ve always been.? Softly she put her hand under his chin and lifted his head. ?I love you more I can say, Kai. I always waited for that day to happen, the day you would be alive again ? and I won?t give up now! I want a future for you ? a future without a torment past.? Kai felt new tears well up inside him. Her words touched him so much. With what he deserved so much love and sympathy, that Xev felt for him? The guilt welled up again: ?<I?nearly killed?you>? he thought, as he remembered the day he had accidentally been woken up wrong. Went on a deadly rampage, run amok, only stopped in time, because he ran out of protoblood. He groaned and buried his face in his hands. ?Shhh?.nothing happened Kai, we?re both still alive,? she calmed him softly. Kai noticed startled, that he had said those words aloud. He felt his hands pulled away from his face and he looked up. Xev touched his cheek fondly and wiped his tears away. ?I?ll always be there for you, neither me, nor Stan, will ever blame you for something, we both know that this wasn?t your fault.? Kai nod hesitantly. ?I?I feel so much guilt and shame. I?m not sure if I will ever get over it, Xev!? he swallowed and his voice trembled. ?You?re not alone!? She kissed his forehead. ?We ought to go, or you?ll get ill!? She stood up and pulled him with her at the same time. Kai felt weak and uncertain afoot. He had to prop on Xev, even if his pride didn?t want to admit it.

    Xev adjusted the rumpled bed, whilst Kai was sitting on the edge, holding his black pants undetermined. ?Should I help you?? asked Xev and sat down next to him. He shook his head. ?The memories?? he pointed out with agonized gaze. Xev drew off the pants from his hands and put them aside. She freed him of his wet blanket and started to dry his body.
    Xev sharply controlled herself, not easy for her, too fierce was the will to jump onto him right here and now. When she let the towel slid slowly over his back and chest, she felt his strong, wirily body under her palm. It was really heavy to elude her feelings.
    Kai let pass this procedure unresisting ? nearly impassive. But he didn?t miss her inward fight. Her body spoke a clear language. He sensed her increased heat, her slightly flushed cheeks. He knew very well how he affected her ?
    But she did the same to him?if he haven?t been so weak and exhausted?
    It surprised himself a bit where his thoughts were going to. But Xev was an adorable person. With her body and with her soul. He felt a lot for her. She kept him grounded. <To love and be loved> he thought, it was such a long time ago?
    ?Try to sleep for a while, Kai, you need some rest. Your fever is still high!? Kai nod absently, he wasn?t able to concentrate properly. He climbed onto the bed and lay down. Xev put a pillow under his head and covered his naked body with some blankets. She couldn?t resist to touch him. He felt so good. So warm ? so alive! How she longed to feel his naked body next to hers?Her libido screamed of lust. It was getting more and more hard for her to push her erotic thoughts back, to control her accelerated libido. Her whole body radiated of heat. She clenched her teeth and hoped that Kai didn?t determine to much of it. ?Sleep,? she whispered. ?If you want?I can stay?here?with you.? She hoped that she hadn?t gone too far with this offer, but she wanted to stay with him now, and Xev was relieved when he agreed.
    He wasn?t sure if he was able to sleep. His whole body felt numb, his head burnt of fever and the memories, he tried to get under control. He felt Xev lay down next to him and the touch of her hand, her fingers wrapping his. ?Thank you?? he whispered. The sensation not to be alone any longer, filled him with peace and gratitude. He felt himself slide over into a calm sleep, untroubled by memories. Xev smiled lovingly and closed her eyes, too.
    It matters not
    If the cause is lost
    And we cannot stop the tide
    We will fight to the end
    And then fight again
    It will be a good way to die

  5. #25
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    Truly a beautiful piece of writing Aenea..your words pulled at my heart..made me desire to be a part of your story..finally Xev has her living Kai..I loved it..

  6. #26
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    Poor Kai...at least Xev helped him out. You carried this across very well, so sad, but still written very well. :-D
    In Florida, we have one common rule during Hurricane season: Anything that blows in from the neighbor's yard automatically is yours, so put the car in the garage.

  7. #27
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    fantastic! it was such a sweet chapter. you are an amazing writer. i cant wait for the next instalment
    God may have created man before woman, but there is allways a rough draft before the masterpiece

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  8. #28
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    Truly gripping. I shouldn't be reading at this time of day, but I just had to.
    Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves
    For they shall never cease to be amused.

  9. #29
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    Totally awesome chapter, Aenea. So sad the memories of what he did as assassin coming back to haunt him.

  10. #30
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    :D :-D :D
    Thanks for all your wonderful reviews...it really keeps me going that you all enjoy my little story!

    So I won?t keep you on tenterhooks....

    Here?s Chapter 6 (do I wrote chapter SIX?...my god, if Moss reads this.... :twisted: ; but to be serious - it?s pure chance that it matched this part of the story :lol: :twisted: :lol: )

    I hope that our droolers enjoy it.......(believe me, I enjoyed writing it, also it is difficult to write).

    Alright, this time I have to announce something:

    WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL TOPICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PLEASE DON`T READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE UNDER 17 (OR DO IT ON YOUR OWN RISK); OR IF YOU FEEL NOT ADULT ENOUGH, TOO PRIM OR WHATEVER....


    Chapter 6

    To love and be loved


    She must have slept some hours, Xev thought, when she woke up. Kai was still sleeping next to her. He had let go of her hand anytime and placed it under his head, his other hand rested on his belly. Xev smiled and observed his shape lovingly. It was still strange for her, to have him here in bed. He acted so innocent and vulnerable in his sleep. Xev turned onto her belly, put her arms under her chin and watched him steadily, listened to his deep, constant breath. He would need a lot of time and benefit, to accept his past, that was now clear to her. Only time could heal the worst. She wanted to give him all time he needed, no question, the only thing that counted now, was that he didn?t break under this burden. She had waited such a long time ? what meant time to her now? Xev sighed soundlessly. Her accelerated libido had an opinion of its own, she knew that, but what could she do? In moments like this, she cursed her transformation.
    Her gaze wandered over the attractive BrunnenG. His beautiful, thick, long dark hair surrounded his head in a snarl. Xev reached out for one of his streaks and let it glide through her fingers. Kai murmured something in his sleep and moved a bit. His blanket slid down a bit and gave her gaze free access to his strong right thigh. Her unbelievable strong longing for him came back at once. Her reaction frightened herself a bit, she couldn?t explain those strong feelings towards him. That wasn?t only physical attraction. She felt so close to him like to no one else. Not that she met many people, especially men, in her life?but something between her and Kai was different. Even when he was dead, he had been the only one she could talk to in a reasonable way. After he got his life back now, this invisible bond deepened. She could feel his pain, his brokenness, his agony so very intensely. The sadness surrounding him was nearly visible for her. And ? of course ? there was this deep, overwhelming love for him. It was such a strong sensation that often caused her to cry. Days had gone by since their first kiss, but she could still feel this intense sensation on her lips. She smiled, when she thought back.
    Her attention suddenly turned back to Kai, he moved uneasy. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, his body was covered with perspiration. He groaned slightly. Xev propped herself up worriedly. She took a cold, wet cloth and cooled his face with it. It was a short fever attack. She pulled the blanket back over his body and waited for the fever to draw back. After a while he got calmer, the crisis was over. Xev wiped a last time over his forehead, when she suddenly felt fingers wrapping her wrist. Her hand was softly pushed aside. Kai opened his eyes and looked directly into her face. Their eyes locked and Xev froze. She let her hand fell down on his chest. Kai?s hand rested loosely on hers. His other hand touched her cheek, stroke a restive curl of her hair back behind her ear. ?You?re so beautiful, Xev?? he whispered, Xev flushed and smiled shyly, she dropped her gaze. His glance was very intensive and seemed to touch her soul. The air crackled again.
    Xev felt her libido kick in once again and breathed deeply.
    Kai felt her unease more concrete than before. Her sexual attraction had grown over the last hours. Once again he wondered why she was so attracted to him. What was it, that made him so attractive to women? He couldn?t explain it, he only knew that it was a fact since his birth. Even during his undead existence he hadn?t lost this attractiveness for the female sex.
    He felt more than physically attraction for Xev. It was her unmistakable character, her inner beauty that made him feel something for her. Besides his first love on Brunnis 2, he never met a woman, who attracted him so much. Well, the last 6000 years it really hadn?t been an issue.
    He let his finger playfully slide down behind her ear, down her neck. Her skin was soft and tender under his fingertips.
    Xev had closed her eyes, she swallowed. Excitement filled her and let her body tremble. She enjoyed every moment of this unique sensation to be touched by him. She hadn?t expected that so soon.
    It was overwhelming for Kai to feel her like this. Long lost sensations showed up again. A warmth spread over his body and for the first time in his new life he felt only positive feelings running through him. He felt his injured soul touched with them, they comforted, they soothed his pain. Kai dared to believe, that he had found a possible way to heal his soul?maybe one day that will happen. For now, he was thankful for the comfort Xev gave him with it.
    His slim fingers reached her shoulder, stroke over her collarbone to the middle, rested in her small dip between both collarbones. Xev felt a new shiver ran through her body. ?Xev?? he whispered. She opened her eyes and looked inquiring into his truly handsome face. She swallowed, when she saw his eyes shone full of desire, his expression slightly confused and uneasy at the same time ?I?m ? a bit out of practice, but?? Xev stifled the rest of his words in a passionate kiss. She softly plunged her tongue between his lips into his mouth. She felt a hot wave running through her, when their both tongues met. She give a groan and began to explore his mouth, as he did too. Softly she caressed his lips with the tip of her tongue, only broken by sweet, deeply passionate kisses. After a while both stopped, out of breath. They had edged closer to each other. ?Out of practice?? she asked breathless. ?Hmm?? Kai asked innocently, rising his brows. ?I just want to know how it is, when you were <in practice>!? she teased him. His kisses were the best she ever experienced in her life. Kai smiled, he felt passion and desire rushing through his veins. With all his reawakened senses he knew that he hadn?t forgotten anything from his first life. ?Then let us find out?? he whispered keenly. His finger slid between her breasts. He softly stroke her visible curves over her clusterlizard top. Xev gave a loud groan, her fingers clutched around the cloth on her bed. He touched her cheek with his left hand and gave her a new kiss, his right hand followed upwards, too, rested on her shoulder. His left loose from her cheek and slid downwards her neck, guided slowly to her left shoulder. His both hands wandered simultaneously under the straps of her dress, slid them down over the side of her shoulders. He leaned forward and kissed her neck and throat tenderly ? his hands moved to her back and unzipped her top. The long hair stroked gently over her bare shoulders. He freed Xev of the top and let it fell aside. His lips caressed her skin softly and he looked up into her face, sharing another kiss with her. She could feel his free hair tickling her skin, her now bare breasts. Her body started to burn of desire. His hands climbed up again, to her firm breasts. He cupped them with his hands, stroked over her curves, over her nipples, which hardened immediately. Xev groaned impulsively and threw her head back. Kai smiled delighted about the success of his endeavors. He bend down to her breasts and kissed her erected nipples. He touched them with the tip of his tongue, circuiting them lazily. Xevs desire grew. She sank backwards down, twined ecstatically under his touch. Kai?s palm stroke over her belly, continued the way of his kisses downward. He stopped for a second at her navel, circuited it with his tongue, before his hands slid down to her well formed thighs ? to the end of her mini skirt. He let them glide up on the inside of her thighs, until they reached the soft, sensitive skin, directly next to her abdomen. Xev let out a gentle clusterlizard growl. Kai had to smile, he nearly had forgotten this special part of her. With one fluent movement, he caught her skirt and with it her underwear and removed it. He dropped it next to her boots, she put out before they went to sleep. Xev gasped, she laid completely naked in front of him, her legs slightly straddled. Her chest moved up and down fast. Arousal spread over her whole desirable body. On his way back up, his hand caressed her pube, his palm pressed slightly to her cunt. Xev moved her hips and pressed harder against his palm. She felt a well-known throbbing deep there. She wanted him to silence it., but not yet ? not yet. She let out a cry of passion when he felt his finger exploring her hot wet depths, touching exactly her tender spot. He nearly brought her to the edge of ecstasy. But before he admitted her this release, he drew back. He laid down next to her, kissing her again, another endless passionate kiss. Her arousal carried over to him long ago. But he waited for Xev to <cool down> a bit. He could see the passion burning in her eyes. Her wonderful green eyes shone full of love and longing for him. He had still recognized, that only the slightest touch of him was enough to arouse her. Long suppressed craving, now unloaded in waves over and over again. As evil his lack of emotion had been for him, as bad must have been Xevs constant fight against her hyperactive libido. Xev breathed deeply and turned to Kai. It was her turn now. She pulled away the blanket, which still was somewhat draped around his abdomen and started to explore his absolutely amazing body. Her fingers stroke over his strong, wirily muscles all-over his upper body. Softly she caressed his explicit strands of muscles, clearly visibly under his smooth, warm skin. She placed a few kisses down on his belly, leaving a small wet trace with the tip of her tongue all the way up. Their lips met again and their tongues fought another duel. Xev gasped for breath and looked deeply into his greenish-hazel eyes. She saw the soft light of love and passion gleaming in them, but also this echo of sadness, that inhabit him, that would forever be a part of him. She hoped, that she was able to take away this deep pain of his, at least for this moment. Her hand wandered down again and found what she looked for. She broke eye-contact, before she could get lost in his eyes. There was anything undeniably mysterious and ancient in his gaze, what attracted her. Her palm pounced on his erected member. Xev stroked tenderly over its tip and took it in her hand. Kai closed his eyes, his reaction similar to hers not long ago. He groaned loudly when he felt her warm hand wrapping his cock. His lust grew and he felt something new, an electrifying warmth exploded from the depths of his stomach all-over his body. And there was something else he sensed. After 6000 years of loneliness and numbness, he felt a part of him ? completed, united, reconnected. His body started to burn of longing for Xev, and he completely forgot his past and his pain for this moment. Xev?s impatience alienated to him and he started again to touch her. Together they let ran their hands over their heated bodies. Their joint breathing and moaning filled the chamber, as their exploration went more and more passionate and intense. He massaged her breasts, stroked hard with his thumbs over her nipples, squeezed them. Her reaction was fiercely, she screamed in excitement and straddled her legs and sat down on his thighs. When the tip of his member stroke her cunt, both groaned with pleasure. He slid his hands down to her butt, pulled her closer. He kissed her breasts, sucked her nipples. Xev gasped hard, arched her back. The craving inside her, went to the limit, the throbbing between her legs went beyond all bearing. She couldn?t hold out very much longer, especially when her hip movement pressed his cock closer to her opening. ?Kai, please?..I?.ahhh?? She wasn?t able to speak a comprehensible word. One hot wave after the other rushed through her, let her cry out again ? another clusterlizard growl followed. Kai seemed to understand, he pulled her close, pressed her tightly to his body and rolled them over. Xev straddled her legs widely and Kai lowered himself down on her. Carefully he slid his cock into her hot, wet opening. For a moment they held their breath, none of them wanted to miss this magnificent moment as their hungry bodies united. But not only their bodies connected ? their souls as well - two souls which craved so long for true love in so different ways, didn?t get the love they needed or wanted. Xev gasped heavily, looked deeply into his eyes, as he did the same.
    If someone had told her, that this would ever happen, she had laughed at him. But now, now it happened?
    She was lost in his eyes. Eyes that had seen far too much ? never wanted to see the most of it. Eyes which screamed hungrily for love. Sweat covered their bodies and she loved to see them glinting in the pale light. She felt his member filling her completely, how it made them both one. She heaved her hips, twined her legs round his waist, when he started to thrust slowly into her. He gave her time to show him her rhythm, kissed her luscious lips. Xev groaned loudly as their bodies started to move rhythmically. Ecstasy washed over them and after a moment, both closed their eyes overwhelmed. Kai stroked over her body, her breasts, sucked them tenderly and drove her to the edge of ecstasy. With every thrust Xev gave a loud groan, she felt her climax near, but she didn?t want it happen so early. She let go of his waist and broke their connection. Kai allowed her. She propped herself up and pushed him tenderly onto the bed. She straddled her hips and sat down on his thigh, gave him newly access to her opening. Kai let his cock slide in and both continued their amorous play. When she was riding him, he cupped her breast, send new shivers through her body, whilst squeezing her sensitive nipples. She moaned and arched her back, pressed her abdomen fiercely against his, when she pushed down. He felt her strong contractions massage his shaft, they shorten more and more. Kai pressed his lips together, controlling the urge to cum. He grabbed her shoulders and rolled their sweated bodies over, with him on the top. The sweat allowed them to let their hands slide fluently over their bodies. Xev was near the edge of sexual ecstasy. She reared up under him, put her legs around his waist again and tried to get him deeper inside her cunt. Kai doubled his efforts and thrust harder and deeper into her, until she came in a vast explosion. Her hunger for sexual satisfaction was immense, and she took what she lacked of. Xev was prancing underneath him for a last time ? let their fusion went beyond their deepest depths and screamed and groaned his name as her orgasm shot through her perfect body. Kai climaxed the same moment, when his member entered her so deeply, and he moaned loudly as their shared climax let their bodies tremble.
    He collapsed onto her. Xev loosed her grip around his waist and threw her arms around his heavy breathing body. He shifted them to one side. Xev put a leg over his thigh and let them experience the aftermath of this precious moment. Huddled together, they waited until their bodies calm down. Xev felt a tear of joy ran over her cheek, she was so unbelievable happy, it had been her biggest wish for years?and now it came true! She smiled and cried the same time. She loosed the grip a bit and touched a strand of his dark hair, wrapped it around her finger playfully. She loved his silken hair. Kai smiled and stroke some of those unruly streaks back. Xev sighed when she looked at him. She could forever look into this angelic face. He was so beautiful. Especially when his raven black hair was down. It underlined his beauty a lot. She touched his full lips with her fingertip, felt him kissing it. ?Thank you?? she finally whispered. ?I love you with all my heart!? Kai?s lips curled with a new smile. He kissed her softly on her lips, nose and forehead. ?I will love you forever, Xev, I promise.? It was the first time he said those magic words, and it sounded like an oath. He kissed her again, less passionately, but endless lovingly. The kiss of two lovers.
    Kai felt a relief he never expected. There was a peaceful feeling inside him he thought he would never have again. He was so grateful, their love was something that soothed his pain, something that put a part of him together again, gave him new strength. A strength he bitterly needed to adjust his new life. He looked at her lovingly, thanks to her, this all was rendered possible. Because of her hope, her stubbornness. She had done so much for him ? he felt guilt for his behavior towards her, dead or not. He reproached himself that his lack of emotion had hurt her like this. The exigency to apologize to her was keen. ?I?often hurt you Xev, I?ve been very unfair towards you ? I feel so sorry for that. I wish I could change it. Even if I had no control over it ? I?m sorry?? He dropped his gaze ashamed. Xev swallowed, yes, he had hurt her a lot, he had, but she didn?t blame him. He haven?t had any sense for something like that. But this was the past. She concentrated on the presence, and a now more promising future. ?Let us leave the past behind, Kai. Everything that counts is now - and the future,? she said warmly. Kai kept silent for a moment. The past ? something he couldn?t leave behind that easy, there was to much to work out. ?My past will forever be a part of me, Xev, but maybe, anytime, ?.I?ll be able to accept it. I don?t know!? It cost him quite an effort to say this. He lacked the faith in it. Xev smiled encouragingly at him, she knew that he would forever be marked with this melancholy, this cruel past, but it would be wrong to ignore it. That wouldn?t help him. ?You?ve all the time you need!? she said fondly. Kai raised his eyes, his voice softened and went more serious: ?I know, Xev, I?m deeply grateful for your patience,? he stroke gently over her cheek. ?I?ll always be there for you, I won?t admit anything happen to you ? I never had, and I never will. Xev, if necessary I would die for you?!? Xev shivered: ?I hope this won?t be necessary.? Only the thought about one of them to die was terrible. Now that Kai was mortal, it wasn?t ruled out that he may die sometimes. She shook off the thoughts about such a scenario. There was no reason to think about such circumstances, he was alive, and so she bend forward to kiss him. She wanted to feel him close now, as long as possible.
    Their kiss turned more passionate and soon their bodies inflamed anew with longing. They took up time to explore and get to know each other deeper. After they reached another, high passionate climax, they lay down to sleep, totally exhausted, cuddled closely together.

    Stanley, on his way to the bridge, sighed deeply. He couldn?t miss their second climax. They didn?t care about. Ok, why should they? 790?s cant was some kind of comfort for him. Besides, he granted them this release. Especially Xev. Now she finally had what she wanted. Stan wondered about all those changes going on here. He often thought about how blue Xev had felt, if Kai was around and acted so dead. Well he was dead. Had been dead. Her visits to the cryochamber, how she often had declared her love to him ? exactly knowing that he didn?t return it. Unfulfilled love could be horrible, he should know this. He felt a bit sorry when he thought about his, sometime, really rough words at her. Maybe he should talk to her anytime. He reached the bridge and Lexx reported to him: ?I have received signals, Stan, should I follow them?? Stan climbed on his pedestal. ?Can you show me the signal?? ?I?m sorry Stan, it?s too weak, we have to get closer!? Stan sighed. Signals, this could mean everything, a ship, a planet. Both of it could mean trouble or ? variety. ?Oh, the heck with it! Follow those signals, Lexx, keep me updated!? ?Yes, Stanley!? Maybe, with some luck, there were a few nice females which weren?t allied yet. 790 hadn?t said anything so far, and he wondered about that, normally he didn?t miss the chance to throw some insults at him. But the robot head was to busy to moan about Xevs absence. He was about to leave, as 790 finally broke the silence. ?Tweedle?where is my Xev? Answer me you wrong programmed individual!? Stan turned, a smirk in his face. ?Hm, I miss some courtesy in your tone, 790, so I?m not in the mood to answer?? ?Grrr?.? he heard 790 growling. ?Tweedle, tell me in an instant where she is?!?
    ??p-l-e-a-s-e!? ?What?? ?To be polite, you need this little word,? Stan nearly chuckled. 790 curled up his digital mouth. ?Please,? he finally snarled. ?She?s in bed,? Stan answered, lifting him from the floor. ?Such a long time?? the head asked suspiciously. ?You hide something, Tweedle!? ?I?ll admit, she?s not a-l-o-n-e in her bed.? ?Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh?!? yelled 790. Stan put 790 back and smiled benignly. He turned to leave, but before he stroke out for the deathblow. ?Ah, by the way, they sounded v-e-r-y busy, if you ask me!? 790?s following wails surely had drown Kai and Xev out, at least it followed him far down the passageway.
    He felt better now. Before he reached his own bed, he couldn?t resist to sneak a peek into Xevs bedchamber. All was silent and he saw them sleep like spoons. Stan sighed, if he ever would have such a luck?! It comforted him a bit, that he triumphed over 790 recently. He chuckled to himself when he lay down on his bed. With a giant yawn he outstretched and started to doze, if something happened?the Lexx would attract attention to oneself.
    It matters not
    If the cause is lost
    And we cannot stop the tide
    We will fight to the end
    And then fight again
    It will be a good way to die

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